two hours into “the pianist”, after the pianist has just been cast out of his latest hiding place by nazis with flame throwers, something that sounds like an air raid siren goes off. and goes on and on. eventually it becomes clear that it is not part of the film, and is actually coming from outside our cosy cinema. no-one seems too fussed, though some guy down the front heads out into the corridor to investigate, and returns to his seat like everything’s all right.

the pianist clambers and falls over a wall into a deserted street, flanked to the horizon by pale shells of previous buildings. the air raid siren continues. does anyone else feel a little ill at ease? the screen goes blank and the lights come on. for an audience who up till now seemed unperturbed by the siren, we sure stand up really quickly.

polite and orderly, everybody files out the fire exit, through the concrete bunker that is the belly of the multiplex. i’m thinking that maybe the war has begun, and maybe we weren’t in first with the bombing, but then beyond these last doors there is clear blue sky. out on the pavement we wonder what has happened.

on the other side of the world missiles and men (and women) wait for an order; a mystery epidemic sweeps through south east asia, baffling the experts; i’ll have to sit through the first two hours of “the pianist” again, to find out how it ends; not even ten minutes after hanging out a load of laundry under clear night sky, it starts to rain…